I have PTSD, Depression and Anxiety. I’m in my late 40’s and found VSD a year ago. I had a hard time at class because of the emotional memories, physical memory and I’ve never felt I could use my voice and movement in a way to protect myself. I found the women’s class was a good fit for me. I love that everyone is welcome and accepted for who they are.
Over the last year I’ve gotten more comfortable with defending myself but there are many times I still cry. It’s a process many will go through but aren’t always comfortable showing and letting out. VSD is a safe place and whatever comes out on the mat, others are feeling it too. You are NOT alone.
When yoga was added to VSD, I jumped at the chance to go. I’ve done yoga in the past but I wasn’t fully comfortable letting go. I know I’m safe and if anything comes up you can excuse yourself. No one judges. They support you and your voice is never quieted.
My first class was an intense event I will not forget. We were doing restorative yoga. It’s more stretching in 2-5 minutes increments. I felt muscles I hadn’t felt in years. HAHA, not in a bad way. During the hip stretches my mind was screaming, crying, felt nauseous. When I thought I couldn’t go on, my hip and glutes relaxed. It was insane and amazing. I could breathe again. I felt different, relieved and at peace with myself. It’s been 33 years since I felt peace with myself.
It’s emotional. My body was releasing past abuses. Not just sexual abuse and physical memories but my mind opened up too. The shitty feelings were out there now. I got pain in sexual organs. It felt like the assault just happened. My body has held onto the pain physically and mentally for 33 years. Wow, just wow! The pain was overwhelming but I knew my body was crying out to be loved and to heal.
I go to yoga twice a week now and I’ve been able to do things I’ve wasn’t able to. I’m able to use my voice better during self-defense class. My body is getting more comfortable with the contact of others. My soul is alive. It’s amazing and I’m beyond happy with the progress I’ve made. I realize I am strong, I matter, I’m healing and I’m worth it all.
I was able to go to a high school class reunion that I was never going to go to because I wasn’t comfortable being around memories that would be triggered seeing classmates. Between the help from yoga and woman’s self-defense classes, I did go to the reunion. I had support from my family at VSD and I had self worth again. It was an amazing time by the way and after my first 5-10 minutes of visible shaking, I released it all. My fear didn’t need attention anymore. I was safe, I was okay and everyone was supporting one another with amazing energy.
Without yoga, I really believe I wouldn’t have have the ability to be in the place I am today. I am still going through my journey of healing and still cry during self-defense and yoga class. I let it happen and don’t fight it. I know I have a safe, supportive place to go and help myself and others. I’m seeing, feeling the real me.
I missed her.
Valley Self-Defense is excited to be able to offer yoga to our students. Learn more about our instructor, Ian.
Owner Lee is not a huge fan of Krav Maga, but her experience with Krav Maga was pivotal in her journey to healing after trauma. Learn more about her story and how she decided to heal at her own pace.
Krav Maga near me? There is! If you're looking for a Krav Maga class near you, Valley Self-Defense is a proud member of the International Krav Maga Federation with schools located across the United States. To find a school near you, visit the IKMF USA website.